Weird Medical News has just learned that the human population has been growing for some time. It got us to wondering, what could possibly be the cause of this phenomenon? Could it be the ozone layer? Could it be Satan? Could it be parthenogenesis?
Finally we have an answer, thanks to the groundbreaking work of Professor John Guillebaud, “one of the UK’s leading authorities on family planning,” according to a news release by the Optimum Population Trust.
The root cause of population growth?
Now wait a minute. Stay with me here. I know that Prof. Guillebaud’s conclusion sounds unlikely. But he’s a Scientist, and he’s made a Breakthrough while conducting Scientific Research.
And in another amazing feat of logic, Prof. Guillebaud has arrived at yet another seemingly tautological conclusion from his study. He has good reason to believe that contraception prevents conception.
You scoff. But that same study has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that black is the new black, and that what goes up nearly always (P = .04) comes down.
(hat tip to Improbable Research)
More U.S. Army images from the National Museum of Health and Medicine in Washington, DC.
Cooties are lice? Nah, every 9-year-old boy knows that cooties are something that you get if a girl touches you.
Intercourse not essential for health? I demand data from randomized controlled trials!
I’ve noticed a couple of other odd things about this poster:
- Bad math. “Over one half of all prostitutes are diseased; therefore YOUR chances of being infected are more than 50-50.” That’s true only if the transmission rate is 100%. If the premise is true and more than half of prostitutes have STDs, then the chance of being with a diseased prostitute is indeed more than 50-50. But not everyone will become infected and, in women especially, STDs can be latent for long periods.
- Racism. Separate is clearly not equal. Whites can visit prophylactic stations at the USO and at the police station, but “coloreds” have to go to an anonymous address on Gaines Street. They’re not even welcome at the police station!
Wait a minute. Pros are good for preventing venereal disease? I thought the point of this poster was that professionals are the problem! (What, you say that “pros” is slang for prophylactics? Never mind.)
Fish come in schools. Birds come in flocks. And then there’s a pride of lions and a murder of ravens.
I got to thinking that if the English language can have colorful collective nouns for members of the animal kingdom, why can’t there also be colorful collective nouns for medical specialists. Here’s the list that I’ve developed so far, with the assistance of my wife and some of my followers on Twitter. I welcome further contributions.
- A stream of urologists.
- A bolus of gastroenterologists.
- A rash of dermatologists.
- A dimple of dermatologists.
- A family of family physicians.
- A reunion of family physicians.
- A push of obstetricians.
- A socketful of orthopedists.
- A diaperful of neonatologists.
- A stat of emergency physicians.
- A fix of addiction specialists.
- A sample of pathologists.
- A slide of pathologists.
- A body of pathologists.
- A colony of microbiologists.
- A secretion of endocrinologists.
- An islet of endocrinologists.
- A circle of ophthalmologists.
- A bed of hospitalists.
- A breath of chest physicians.
- An army of general practitioners.
- A drip of otolaryngologists.
- A cutting of surgeons.
- A film of radiologists.
- A gas of anesthesiologists.
- A spread of oncologists.
- A wave of cardiologists.
Thanks to Joanne Finn, Rob Hooft, Miriam Tucker, Joyce Frieden, Justin Herman, Jason Anthony Tetro, and Mary Shomon.
She’s not a doctor. She doesn’t even play one on TV. But “actress” Jenny McCarthy has apparently become a trusted source of medical information to millions. Her anti-vaccine stance has a body count attached to it. And her friends measles, mumps, and rubella have composed an ode to their savior:
Derek Bartholomaus is responsible for the Jenny McCarthy Body Count web site.
Please pass this information on to everyone you know. Anti-vaccine extremism has got to stop.
Popular in the 18th and 19th Centuries, these Japanese pregnancy dolls were often shown at carnivals. “Although it is commonly believed that these dolls were created primarily to teach midwives how to deliver babies, evidence suggests they were also used for entertainment purposes.”
Too bad there’s no sense of scale in these photos. Are these dolls life size, or are they Barbie size?